TBTS TalkRoach™: Gossip That Refuses to Die (Week Ending June 4, 2011)

(The Brown Tweed Society’s TalkRoach™ highlights mundane, ridiculous, and outright unbelievable pop culture stories that should have fizzled after a day—or should never have been news in the first place—but have somehow survived.)

1.  Actor Has Political Views:

When we’re talking about actors with political views, we’re usually talking about liberals.  (Don’t act like this isn’t the case.  I’m just describing reality.)  However, it doesn’t matter if your ideology is left, right, center, mixture, none, fringe, etc–people are people first, with views on all sorts of things!  Amazing!  So naturally, actors and athletes and artists and machinists and teachers and most others will have political opinions, some of which can actually be pretty informed and original.  Therefore, I’m not in the camp that thinks such people should “keep their opinions to themselves.  I’m not paying to hear them talk about [thing]!”  Especially when most people mean that they don’t want to hear performers express opinions different from their own.  People who derive their livelihood from entertaining the public, though, should realize that being vocal about personal views could affect their ability to continue working since lots of folks vote with their wallets.  Such are the wonders and perils of living in a free society.

2.  Pregnant Actress’s Belly Grows Larger:

Kate Hudson is set to pop!  The Raising Helen actress, who must by law be described as cute or perky, got pregnant a while back.  When a woman (even Kate Hudson!) conceives, a normal human fetus grows in her womb for approximately nine months.  Near the end of this non-mutant gestation, her belly looks like she’s smuggling watermelons.  Then a baby comes out, one way or another.  So, since perky Kate Hudson is nearing her due date, she looks she could literally “pop.”  If you hadn’t read People magazine in the past eight months, or watched newsertainment, or listened to popular radio, you would have missed the constant updates on this matter, which basically involved descriptions of her growing baby bump and…well, that’s it.  In conclusion, a celebrity pregnancy shouldn’t require hundreds of boring-ass descriptions of body change, considering pregnancies have occurred literally billions of times.

3.  Two Young, Pretty, Rich People Get Married:

Sorry guys, but Kim Kardashian is off the market!  So is Kris Humphries, who you hadn’t heard of until recently and plays in the NBA for maybe the Nets?  Doesn’t matter.  They’re both totes in love and rich as hell and stuff, and they’re a-gonna get married.  She got a ridiculous ring,

One ring to rule them all...

they’re getting a pre-nup, they’ll have a few-million dollar wedding somewhere with statues made of diamonds and poor people, and they’ll either be together forever or not.  You see, this is what rich and famous people do.  Just like you and me, except for the (in total dollars) profligate spending, which for them doesn’t really depend on the state of the economy.  Eh, even if you wanted to, you didn’t have a chance with either of them anyway.

4.  Gaia Is Mad:

Tornadoes, earthquakes, flooding, volcanoes, droughts, snakes and bugs and shit—and we’re not even half way through the year?  The Earth is angry, y’all.  Now I understand all the talk about the Rapture.

Thanks, entertainment media, for pointing out that women with child look like they have Reebok Pump technology in their tum-tums!