The Entertation Index: August 29

Carey, Mariah – The R&B/pop singer was photographed jogging with five puppies.  Yes, we mean five actual puppies.  Do you think there would have been five of them if we were talking about something else?

Link: Mariah’s Bouncing, Perky Puppies (People)

Clooney, George – The staunchly liberal actor and fellow politically-active entertainer Bono motored around Clooney’s Italian home recently, a move that may or may not prompt the U.S. House of Representatives to censure the pair for “tootling around socialist Europe.”  The Representatives are just jealous that, between tabloid photographers and super-hero musicals, Clooney and Bono have created more jobs than they have.

Link: Bono and G-Clo (Celebuzz)

Longoria, Eva – The Desperate Housewife has signed on to four upcoming projects: Long Time Gone, in which she’ll play the other woman to Meg Ryan’s cheating husband; Who Gets the Dog, about a woman and her ex arguing over custody of their pet; Four Kings, a historical drama with Brendan Fraser as lead; and Child Support, a Hulu animated series with her as the voice of a “female Peter Griffin.”  Guys, throw together a slapdash script and send it to Longoria’s agent right now, since she’s apparently saying “yes” to anything.

Link: Longoria’s Slate (Variety)

Mud Masks, Celebrity – In extremely important news, People asks if Cher or Bristol Palin wore her mud mask better.  However, the “mask” was actually Cher’s regular face without a trowelsworth of make-up, and it turns out Bristol was the victim of a drive-by moose fart.

Link: Celeb Mud Masks (People)

Pitt, Brad – The Snatch actor saved a woman from being trampled during a chaotic shoot with 700 extras on the set of his upcoming film World War Z.  Pitt then resumed pooping gold, sweating Dom Perignon, and exhaling anti-cancer compounds.

Link: Pitt Saves (Scottish Sun)

It's the only explanation.

Shore, Jersey – With tons of flights cancelled due to Hurricane Irene, MTV flew Jersey Shore cast members to Los Angeles on a private jet so that they wouldn’t miss the VMAs.  By the looks of their hair, they left just a bit too late.

Link: Jersey Shore Gets to West Coast (MTV)