The Entertation Index: November 3

Bieber, Justin — A California woman has signed a sworn affidavit that “Baby” singer Justin Bieber is in fact the father of her three-month old child after a hookup at L.A.’s Staples Center after a concert a year ago. Bieber continues to claim the child isn’t his, but that’s difficult to prove since the infant already has three million twitter followers, an upcoming Christmas album and no one can seem to tell if it’s a boy or a girl.

Link: Justin Bieber a Daddy? Fan Claims Her Baby is His (CBS)

Cates, Gil — Long-time Oscars producer Gil Cates, who has produced fourteen of the awards telecasts, has passed away at age 77. His funeral is expected to go much longer than planned with an orchestra and lit sign alerting the minister to “wrap it up.” Kidding aside, our thoughts do go out to his family.

Link: Oscar Producer Gil Cates Dies at 77 (TV Guide)

Deschanel, Zooey — The New Girl star and her husband, Death Cab for Cutie front man Ben Gibbard have announced their divorce after two years of marriage. But before you go getting any fancy ideas, hipsters, you should know that just because you’re wearing an ironic t-shirt with a cardigan and thick-rimmed glasses as you sip your Argentinian matcha and pretend to read The Atlantic doesn’t mean she’s going to go for you. Sorry to break it to you, big guy.

Link: Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard Split Up (EW)

Housewives, Real — Real Housewives of Atlanta star Phaedra Parks tells an AP reporter that reality TV is a catalyst for bullying in the untelevised world. “Unfortunately I do think that reality TV has spawned a whole culture of bullying,” said Parks. “I believe that the behavior you see on reality TV does not exactly exemplify how adults should be conducting themselves.” Then she went on to hype the premiere of Real Housewives of Atlanta in November. So…yeah. There you go.

Link: Reality TV Causes Bullying? “Real Housewives” Star Says Yes (HuffPo)

This costume is probably not why Kris Humphries is itching.

Kardashian, Kim — Attention professional athletes and fame whores; Kim Kardashian is single again! After only 72 days of marriage, Kardashian will be splitting from fake(?)-husband Kris Humphries. To apply to be Kardashian’s next husband, send all applications along with a current headshot and salary requirements to the E! News Network, P.O. Box 4533, Los Angeles, California.

Link: Kardashian Divorcing Kris Humphries (USA Today)

Quartet, Tokyo String — The New York Times reports that violist and violinist Kazuhide Isomura and Kikuei Ikeda will be retiring from the famed Tokyo String Quartet, each musician having played with the combo for over thirty years. This is undoubtedly comes as bad news for those of you who had Isomura and Ikeda in your Tokyo String Quartet Fantasy League.

Link: Tokyo String Quartet Losing Two Members (Ny Times)