The Entertation Index: January 26

Nice rack.

Cowell, Simon — The X-Factor and former American Idol judge has broken off his engagement with makeup artist Mezhgan Hussainy, telling the UK’s Daily Mirror that it’s a “complicated relationship” and that Cowell doesn’t know if he’ll ever get married. It makes sense, folks. After all, why would Cowell need a wife when he can spend even more time casually rubbing his own spectacular man-boobs? My guess is that he will soon be in talks with John Parker on Gynexin Alpha formula.

Link: Simon Cowell Breaks Off Engagement (Today)

Crew, 2 Live — A resurgence of notoriously filthy hip-hop artists 2 Live Crew is in the works according to Rolling Stone, which reports that the outfit will once again tour this coming summer. When asked about the reasons for the return after such a long absence from the spotlight, frontman Luther Campbell allegedly told reporters “Me so hungry.” (via Lloyd)

Link: 2 Live Crew to Reunite (Rolling Stone)

Cyrus, Miley — List of things which make Disney executives shudder for January 26, 2012: 1.) Miley Cyrus threw her boyfriend Liam Hemsworth a drunken bash at a Los Angeles club, 2.) Miley Cyrus surprised said boyfriend with a birthday cake shaped like a large penis, 3.) Miley Cyrus “pretended to lick” the penis. Well done, Miley. Your move, Selena Gomez — those are some big shoes to fill, and Miley’s setting the bar very high for you.

Link: Miley Cyrus Makes Lewd Tongue Gesture with Penis Birthday Cake (Socialite Life)

Gibson, Mel — After British actor Tom Hardy was tapped to play the beloved Mad Max in an upcoming remake of the 1979 apocalypse actioner, Hardy felt it was only right to get the blessing of former Mad Max — the actor who was launched on the role — Mel Gibson. Gibson told audience members at a recent screening of the original that when Hardy approached him, Gibson told the young actor to “Go ahead, knock yourself out. I’ve got better things to do.” Gibson then explained that those “better things” included scrawling anti-semitic epithets on bathroom walls, degrading Russian models throughout Beverly Hills and quietly crying into a bowl of vegemite as he waits for another script where he gets to play another “angry man who “takes the law in his own hands.”

Link: Mel Gibson on the Legacy of “Mad Max,” Meeting Tom Hardy for “Fury Road” and his Viking Epic “Berserker” (Moveable Feast)

Oscars, The — The hot-button story from Monday’s Academy Award announcements were who was surprisingly. Among the snubbed actors believed to score a nod and didn’t were Patton Oswalt, Charlize Theron, Michael Fassbender, Ryan Gosling and Albert Brooks. Upon hearing the news, Gosling consoled his Drive co-star Brooks by saying “Hey, listen, every cloud has a silver lining – after all, I’m still ridiculously handsome,” before noticing Brooks’ expression and quietly whispering. “Oh, sorry.”

Link: Oscar Nominations 2012: Surprises and Snubs (HuffPo)

Worthington, Sam — The Avatar star and current lead in the upcoming Man on a Ledge told press that the decision to put him high above New York City was one which troubled the acrophobic young heartthrob, saying “I’m pretty lucky I didn’t burst into tears and roll into a ball” upon first being thrust out on the outskirts of NYC’s Roosevelt Hotel. Clearly the press is missing the bigger story here on Man on a Ledge and Worthington’s decision to take the role. Sam Worthington can’t read!

Link: Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks Hang Above New York City (HuffPo)