The Entertation Index: April 19

5, Maroon – Adam Levine’s pop-dump vehicle will soon be officially releasing the super-hyped, supposed summer tune “Payphone.”  While I hate every song of theirs I’ve heard so far and can’t bring myself to listen to it, it can’t be any worse than “Moves Like Jagger,” right?  Right?

Link: Maroon 5’s New One (EW)

Bachelor, The – The popular reality show is being sued by two African American men who allege that they were not formally auditioned for the titular (tee-hee!) role because of their race.  While this claim has been leveled at the show before, and while this country certainly has a long way to go when it comes to race relations, is this really where someone wants to make a civil rights stand?  On a ridiculous show that highlights the shallowness and insincerity of a huge swath of pop culture?

Link: Bachelor Sued (TMZ)

Boring!

Brangelina – You may have heard that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be getting married.  Obama could pick Romney as his running mate, while Romney could simultaneously run against Obama with Jeffrey Dahmer’s corpse as his VP, and the press would ignore it.  A provable, impending alien invasion would get knocked off the front page for this.  God and The Devil could marry on the top of Mount Olympus and the media would be less excited.  Get ready, people.  Will-and-Kate was your Schmeckler County Fair local pop-country opening act compared to this.

Link: Awaiting the official Brangelina (Hollywood)

Leveling – So according to the Internet there’s a “new” prank called Leveling, which is Rick Rolling but with another song!  If all you’re doing is replacing one song with another, that’s not “new.”  That’s lazy and uncreative.  Let’s get serious about new jokes and set up a Manhattan Project for pranking.

Link: “New” Prank! (Crushable)

Petty, Tom – The classic rocker’s stolen guitars were recovered after police arrested a studio security guard believed to have pilfered them.  Through a spokesperson, Petty said he couldn’t believe someone would do him like that.

Link: Petty’s Axes Returned (CBS)

Sparks, Nicholas – Huffington Post details how the romance writer has “mastered” the “art” of writing successful love stories to the point where seven of his novels have been made into movies.  Or the same story has been made into seven different movies.  Or maybe I should stop hating and start writing the damn things myself.

Link: Sparks Success (Huffington Post)