The Entertation Index: August 13

Like Dead Heat, this wasn’t nearly as awesome as I remember it.

ALF – Like everything else from the 80s, ALF is getting the big-screen treatment from the same people who brought you live-action versions of The Smurfs, Inspector Gadget, and The Mighty Ducks.  This means the movie will be absolutely terrible and make a ton of money cashing in on curiosity-seekers’ nostalgia (h/t to Tomlin).

Link: ALF Coming to Theaters (THR)

Carey, Mariah – The diva’s Rick Ross-heavy but Mariah-lite comeback single “Triumphant (Get ‘Em) has performed poorly, barely cracking the iTunes top 50 and getting slim airplay.  Fans will have to be happy listening to the 100 songs on the radio now that sound just like it.

Link: Carey’s Comeback Comes Up Short (MSN)

Hill, Jonah – The Superbad actor saw a woman give birth in a NYC park last week, with TMZ embarrassing him by catching him taking pictures of the, um, leavings.  Hill explained it away by supposedly saying he was just making sure he wasn’t passing up a still-edible pizza.

Link: Hill Witnesses Miracle of Birth (TMZ)

Sarandon, Susan – The Bull Durham actress and her business partners are collaborating with hotelier Andre Balazs to bring table tennis to an entire floor of his Standard Downtown hotel in Los Angeles.  When asked how much income he expected the ping pong club to bring in, he responded, “It’s a great physical and mental [activity].  It’s kind of a very zen or Taoist game, in a very modern sense.  There are very few games where, in order to play, that you have to put yourself [in the moment].  The ball moves so fast.  It crosses the net in less than a quarter of a second.  So even in tennis, you have a moment to compose yourself.  What’s interesting about ping pong, and what’s euphoric about when you play it well, it’s one of the few games where you’re competitive, but in order to play it, your muscle memory has to be as fast as your brain.  Before you have time to think you have to act.  It’s a remarkably compelling sport.”  Which means it ain’t gonna make shit.

Link: Sarandon & Table Tennis (Huffington Post)

Travis, Randy – Travis was arrested last Tuesday after being discovered sprawled out naked on a north Texas highway reeking of booze, and then threatening the officers who picked him up.  Sounds like a country song.

Link: Travis Arrested (CNN)

Yauch, Adam – Beastie Boy Yauch, who died of cancer in May, stipulated in his will that “[n]otwithstanding anything to the contrary, in no event may my image or name or any music or any artistic property created by me be used for advertising purposes.”  Not too many people would begrudge him making a little more money posthumously from his work, but it will be nice not to hear “No Sleep Till Brooklyn” in a Red Bull commercial.

Link: Yauch Still Won’t Shill (Rolling Stone)