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TBTS Adventures in Metrosexuality

September 26, 2012
Armpit

“Men use bar soap.” That was my mantra for many years. Then I switched to a bar soap with moisturizer, and it was all downhill from there…

It seems that any deviation from our traditional concepts of masculinity is considered remarkable. You’re either a overalls n’ steel-toed boots guy (shirtless, natch) who smashes 16oz cans of Bud Light on his forehead. Or you’re a fey ponce who moisturizes and carries a man-bag. There is no in-between. And if you are not the former, websites and national news outlets will provide hours of fashion insight raising eyebrows at this “new trend” in male hygiene.

Well, I’m here to tell ya’. I prefer PBR (no, really!) and I moisturize. I also condition. I use pomade.

And now… I use body-wash instead of bar soap. I decided a few months ago that I was tired of having elbows you could light a match on and wintertime hair that generated enough static electricity to power Las Vegas. I picked up a bottle of liquid body-wash (“for Men”!) and one of those poofy shower scrubby things. I deliberately avoided buying the conspicuously manly Axe Detailer; that thing’s just ridiculous and costs five times as much as a basic poofy thing. I’ve been using this combo for a while now. I feel cleaner and believe it or not my showers actually seem to go a little faster. I also found a decent, not-too-expensive 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner that doesn’t smell too institutional.

Does this make me less of a manly man? Don’t care!

I’m even seriously considering trying one of these “paleo” no-shampoo/no-soap hygiene lifestyles. Apparently, you can stop using soap and shampoo, and after a “normalizing” period of up to two weeks your body’s own hygienic systems take over. Your hair allegedly will feel better and be more manageable, your skin will feel cleaner than it ever has, and your, ah… junk will no longer smell like, well… junk. Naturally, there’s a certain subjectivity to this, and some of it is dependent on environmental factors like the hardness of your water. But the idea is intriguing.

Perhaps I’ll try it and report back here on the ‘Tweed. I know you’re all dying to know the intimate details of my nooks n’ crannies.

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