The Entertation Index: December 13

Birds, Angry — Because there’s nothing like striking while the iron is hot, Rovio entertainment has announced that an Angry Birds movie will reach theaters in the summer of 2016. The animated film will be much like the iPad and iPhone favorite app in that it will both feature birds fighting pigs and that you will get bored after twenty minutes and decide to go see a different movie instead.

Link: Angry Birds Coming to Theaters in 2016 (Boomstick Comics)

Brubeck, Dave — This happened over the weekend, but we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention last week’s passing of jazz pioneer Dave Brubeck — a personal favorite of this writer and, I’m sure, the doorway to jazz for many others like myself. Take Five will live in infamy, and should be a staple in any music library. You’ll live on, Mr. Brubeck.

Link: Dave Brubeck Didn’t Invent Cool, But He Certainly Made It His Own (Telegraph)

Four, Fantastic — FOX studios has announced that the second Fantastic Four reboot film will be slated for a spring 2015 release. When reached for comment, studio heads allegedly told sources that “we refuse to believe that the moviegoing public won’t give us their money to watch this, so we are just going to keep trying this over and over until they start doing it.”

Link: The “Fantastic Four” Reboot has an Official Release Date (EW)

Jenner, Kris and Bruce — Rumors continue to swirl about an impending divorce for Kim, Kourtney and Khloe’s folks Kris and Bruce Jenner, with Radar Online purporting that the couple’s “imminent split” is tearing the family apart. Should this happen, it’s all but assumed that Kris Jenner will resume her duties as manager of her three daughters while Bruce will return to his former career as a mannequin in a sporting goods department.

Link: Kris & Bruce Jenner Heading for Divorce, Kardashians “At War” Over Impending Split, Claims Report (Radar Online)

Congratulations, America! We finally got something right!

Ke$ha — The “Die Young” singer, who has been promoting and talking nonstop about her new album since what seems like two years ago, debuted the record to paltry sales, only selling 85,000 copies of Warrior and failing to break the Billboard top five against old albums like Taylor Swift’s Red and Wiz Khalifa’s O.N.I.F.C. Ke$ha has told press in the past that she “writes about her life in her music” and that “my music is a representation of my life and vice versa.” We hear you, Ke$ha and our unified response this week has been that obviously we care very little about either.

Link: Singer’s “Warrior” Gets Lapped by Month-Old Taylor Swift Album (HuffPo)

Swift, Taylor — Country-pop singing sensation Taylor Swift and her One Direction boyfriend Harry Styles did the infamous “Dirty Dancing” lift on the dance floor of a New York City afterparty following the boy band’s concert in the Big Apple. A beaming, overjoyed Swift reportedly exclaimed to the press “I’m the luckiest fourteen year old girl in the world!”

Link: Taylor Swift, Harry Styles Do the Dirty Dancing Lift at After Party (Yahoo)