The Entertation Index: January 14

Bryant, Kobe and Vanessa –The Lakers star and his wife have called off their impending divorce, releasing a statement saying, “We are pleased to announce that we have reconciled…Our divorce action will be dismissed.  We are looking forward to our future together.”  Sources say that in private discussions, Vanessa understood she would never find another meal ticket like Kobe, and Kobe realized that no one else would put up with his philandering bullshit.

Link: Bryants Reconciling (Huffington Post)

4, Jurassic Park – Universal Pictures is committing to a June 13, 2014, release date for the 4^th installment of the dinosaur movie franchise.  It is reported that the 10 people who like Jurassic Park III are excited.

Link: JP4 ETA (EW)

Remember this? Guess not.

MacFarlane, Seth – So the creator of Family Guy and Ted is going to host the Oscars.  Early reviews are not so great, and there’s apparently a lot of anxiety over delivery, his reliance on “insults rather than insights,” and his unpredictability.  People, it’s Seth f*cking MacFarlane.  Did you learn nothing from Ricky Gervais hosting the Golden Globes?  Or do you expect Seth MacFarlane to be Not Seth MacFarlane?

Link: MacFarlane to Host Oscars (L.A. Times)

Spears, Britney – The X Factor judge is leaving the show for…Vegas?  Spears is rumored to be in talks with casino entertainment groups for a potential return to the stage so when people are not about to play roulette games online or poker they can watch her, of course many people decide to play online since they can get a £200 new customer bonus through CompareTheBets.  Vegas is the perfect place: if she starts speaking gibberish, hits every buffet on the strip, and shaves her head again, people will think it’s all part of the act.

Link: Spears to Sin City? (E! Online)

Swift, Taylor – The country-pop darling is back in the studio after her recent split with One Direction’s Harry Styles.  Styles is reportedly looking for safe houses stocked with teen crowd-control countermeasures and a year’s worth of comestibles.

Link: Swift Back at It (USA Today)

Tarantino, Quentin – The Django Unchained director got frustrated with Channel 4’s Krishnan Guru-Murthy when asked about potential links between violence in movies and real-life, and expressed his views on the media: “I’m not your slave and you’re not my master.  You can’t make me dance to your tune.  I’m not a monkey.”  It is believed that there is no worse way Tarantino could have worded a comment about a movie dealing with slavery.

Link: Tarantino Gets Testy (Daily Mail)ca