The Entertation Index: January 28

Abrams, J.J. – After directing Alias, Lost, and the new Star Trek movie, Abrams has been given the green light to direct Star Wars: Episode VII.  Let the true one-upsmanship nerd-battle with Joss Whedon fans begin.

Link: Abrams to Direct SW:EVII (NBC)

Bell, Kristen – House of Lies actress Bell sued Hollywood tequila bar L’Scorpion for breach of contract, claiming that, as an early investor, she has not received a fair share of the bar’s $30,000 per-month profits.  The strangest part about this is that a tequila bar not located in South Padre Beach during Spring Break is making a profit.

Link: Bell Sues (NY Daily News)

Kutcher, Ashton – Kutcher says that portraying Apple co-founder Steve Jobs in the movie jOBS was “honestly one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever tried to do in my life.”  Steve Jobs agreed, saying that Ashton Kutcher playing him in a movie was the most terrifying thing to happen in his life, including dying.

Link: Kutcher As Jobs (CBS)

C’mon. You’ve got room!

Quaid, Randy – After missing a court appearance, Quaid and his wife have been on the lam since 2010 and were recently denied their asylum request to Canada trying to avoid supposed “Hollywood star whackers.”  Read that again: Quaid was too crazy for Canada.  Randy, it’s time we had a talk…

Link: Quaid Denied Asylum (Washington Post)

Snooki – The Jersey Shore star says she’s worked hard to lose 44 pounds just 5 months after giving birth to her first child.  In fairness, the All Margarita diet isn’t as easy as it sounds.

Link: Snooki Slims (People)

Soderbergh, Steven – The Magic Mike director explains that the success of his male stripper flick was due to fan-fic sensation Fifty Shades of Grey debuting right before it, allowing female fantasy to go more mainstream.  Maybe, but you probably don’t need to dig that deep.  Explaining why a ton of women watched a movie stuffed with hot, naked, ripped dudes is as difficult to explain as why a bunch of young guys went to see Piranha 3DD.

Link: Soderbergh on Magic Mike’s Success (Huffington Post)