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Estranged Brew Review: Name Tag Classic Lager

February 15, 2013
Name Tag Lager

With a name like [name=0]… Photo by J. St. O

Quaffable in question

Fine print:

  • Name Tag Brewing Co., Monroe, WI (not-so-secret identity: a Trader Joe’s branded beer brewed by the good folks [?] at the Minhas Craft Brewery)
  • Style: American Pale Lager
  • 12 fl. oz.
  • 5% ABV
  • Tag line: none

With a name like “Name Tag,” it’s gotta be good. Or not?

I remember Anheuser-Busch (maker of the poorly reviewed Lime-A-Rita) packaging a Busch or Natural Light product in austere, military-style-befonted vessels in the 80’s. I didn’t drink back then (and so I continue to tell my parents now, even when Mommy Dearest has to shake “cat” puke out of the drapes each and every Christmas Eve when I visit), but I got a kick out of the stark-white cans stamped with one solitary, sacrosanct word: BEER.

As the pic on the right attests, I got a similar chuckle out of Name Tag’s simple approach. ‘Cept, this time, I can directly buy booze, instead of sending Aunt-Cousin Drunk-ass Eunice to the corner Piss N Blow for it. And, at $3.99 per sixer, using Eunice’s words the first time I asked, “why the goddamned Hell not? Yer 10 already.” (I was 7.) “Gimme that fuckin’ China Pig.”

Well? And?

Horse (piss) with no name (tag)?

First sniff:

  • Cheap-ish beer aroma (beerroma)
  • Slight red wine/grape aroma
  • Smells like it should have a higher ABV, but at 5%, it’s obviously not all that strong

First swaller and subsequent drinking:

  • Swishing it around in my refined maw, it tastes a bit bitter. Hey! It has some hops in it! It’s no Hopslam or Hoptimus, but… still. For that initial bitterness, it finishes pretty smoothly, like Elvis all over Charlie Hodge’s back.
  • You can taste it after swallowing, eerily unlike last night’s speed date fiasco, but it’s actually pleasant and “clean.” Also unlike the morning after… pill your roommate suggested you take.

Verdict

There’s much worse out there than putting an unnamed item such as this in your mouth. (Consider this dead horse ridden.) No accompanying guilt, either, although I’d rather have a PeeBeeR.

Drink up, Buttercup.

No? How about:

Drink up, Joe’s down. I plan on this finishing this 6-pack, directly.

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