The Entertation Index: March 14

Bourdain, Anthony — In a personal essay for Entertainment Weekly, celebrity bad-boy chef Anthony Bourdain wrote about what he learned as a guest judge on ABC’s cooking-reality-competition The Taste, stating that he learned that “associating certain flavors with your gender will make you look really, really stupidly wrong” and learned that “amateurs more than often do what they know they’re good at.” Inferred in the piece, of course, is that Bourdain also learned that “it’s an insanely easy  no-brainer to accept a bag of money with a dollar sign on it to be a part of whatever new fly-by-night goofball idea ABC has for a TV show.”

Link: Anthony Bourdain on “The Taste” (EW)

Carlsberg Beer — Sometimes advertising is awful; sometimes it’s wonderful. Here’s an example for your Thursday of the latter, a new Carlsberg Beer’s marketing campaign which tests your friends’ loyalty — but rewards them with beer. Enjoy.

Link: Carlsberg Sadistically Puts Friends to the Test in Latest Shock Ad (Mashable)

Cyrus gleams the cube.

Cyrus, Miley — Conflicting reports as to whether the wedding of Hannah Montana star and penis-cake enthusiast  Miley Cyrus to not-the-Thor-Hemsworth Liam has been called off are currently circulating across the internet. Sources close to TBTS, however, say that Hemsworth was far more enamored with “adorable pop-country actress/star” Cyrus than new-coiffed “1993 fourteen year-old boy at the skate park” Cyrus. This should serve as a cautionary tale for all of us who are considering getting a haircut without checking with the internet first.

Link: Looks Like Miley Cyrus will have 0 out of 3 Weddings (Gawker)

Grammer, Kelsey — Frasier star and documented cad Kelsey Grammer confessed to TMZ Tuesday that he suffered a “high six-figure loss” after a large investment in windmills didn’t pan out like he’d hoped. Unfortunately, Grammer is just another sad tale of a celebrity who rose to stardom only to have to watch it all come crashing down around him because he didn’t seek help with his windmill problem.

Link: Kelsey Grammer — I Blew Six Figures Investing in Windmills (TMZ)

Lochte, Ryan — Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte and model Carmen Electra were seen canoodling in Hollywood nightclub Bootsy Bellows last week, with sources telling reporters that the pair “had their arms around each other” and “were kissing on the lips.” The two reportedly did not leave together, however, as neither could figure out that you needed to push the exit door instead of pull it, so they were forced to stay at the club indefinitely.

Link: Carmen Electra and Ryan Lochte Probably Had Sex (Celebslam)

Rodman, Dennis — Fresh off his meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, former Chicago Bulls forward Dennis Rodman arrived in the Vatican yesterday only two hours prior to Catholic officials announcing the election of a new Pope. I guess all of Rodman’s championing of Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio’s conservatism on church doctrine and staunch avoidance of liberation theology paid off. Way to go, Dennis!

Link: Dennis Rodman has Arrived at the Vatican (USA Today)