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In Which We Confess Our Sins and Engage in Some Light Blasphemy

April 3, 2013

Bless me, readers, for I have sinned…

I hate the Rolling Stones. Hate them. Flames… Flames on the side of my face…

I love Quentin Tarantino movies but I hate Quentin Tarantino.

I genuinely like all four Alien movies (and the first Alien vs. Predator, but not the second.)

Billy Joel has written exactly three good songs: “Scenes From an Italian Restaurant,” “You May Be Right,” and “Movin’ Out.” The rest are garbage. (I will allow for “The Longest Time,” but only ironically.)

Adam Sandler is not now, nor has he ever been, funny.

The Dark Knight Rises was an unforgivably boring conclusion to a series that had long forgotten it was supposed to be based on a (fairly ridiculous) comic book character.

I didn’t read A Game of Thrones until after I’d watched the HBO series.

I’ve never seen Grease or Gone With the Wind or Casablanca. (Until recently, this list also included Rocky Horror and Dirty Dancing. No thanks to my wife…)

…But I have seen Xanadu. That’s kinda like Grease, right?

The Matrix sequels were, in fact, not nearly as bad as people like to say.

Ford is better than Chevy.

I didn’t care for Toy Story 3.

99% of punk music is crap.

Despite being an unapologetic metalhead, I don’t think I could identify a single Slayer song.

I sometimes get Cate Blanchett and Gwyneth Paltrow mixed up.

I’ve never read The Canterbury Tales. Or Hamlet. Or The Catcher In the Rye.

I’ve read The Great Gatsby twice and still have no idea what it’s supposed to be about.

I do not understand where all this Anne Hathaway hate comes from. She’s gorgeous and a damn fine actor.

Star Trek TNG is better than TOS (though I generally prefer Kirk to Picard)

Star Wars is better than Star Trek

…and Firefly is better than any of them.

I’ve never seen any of the Clint Eastwood westerns.

I’ve boycotted the Oscars ever since Forrest Gump beat out Pulp Fiction for Best Picture.

Glee‘s first season was genuinely good television. The rest not so much.

I have never seen a single episode of any of the following: The Voice, American Idol, Honey Boo Boo, Duck Dynasty, or anything involving housewives.

Justin Timberlake is awesome.

Woody Allen has exactly one great movie to his name, Annie Hall, which was made in 1977. I do not understand his continued popularity.

I miss Homestar Runner.

Sometimes I can’t think of anything to blog about.

  1. Sean Gilroy permalink
    April 4, 2013 6:32 am

    I never realized you were so wrong about so many things.

    • Paul Dmytrewycz permalink*
      April 4, 2013 8:42 am


  2. Sean Gilroy permalink
    April 4, 2013 12:04 pm

    For example: I think you’re giving Billy Joel, Woody Allen, and punk rock WAY too much credit.

  3. Porter permalink
    April 4, 2013 1:46 pm

    I always get a chuckle out of those who hate punk but love metal.

    • Paul Dmytrewycz permalink*
      April 4, 2013 1:55 pm

      The two are LEAGUES apart, musically. Light-years, really.

      • Porter permalink
        April 4, 2013 4:19 pm

        Sure — one has wanky solos and one generally doesn’t.

  4. Paul Dmytrewycz permalink*
    April 4, 2013 4:39 pm

    Yup. Nailed it. That’s the only difference.

  5. Sean Gilroy permalink
    April 4, 2013 7:24 pm

    “I’m not attractive or talented…I can’t sing or play an instrument or write a decent song…how come I can’t be a rock star?”
    –every punk rocker, ever

  6. Anonymous permalink
    April 4, 2013 7:36 pm

    Sorry — mostly just taking the piss. I love em both. And really, there’s a lot of cross pollination between the two. The slight resentments I have against metal mostly come from the assholes in high school who called me faggot and tried to beat me up.

  7. Anonymous permalink
    April 4, 2013 7:40 pm

    Sorry again — didn’t mean that to be an anonymous comment — it’s not letting me post as myself for some reason.

  8. Sean Gilroy permalink
    April 4, 2013 9:11 pm

    At my high school, the metalheads were a fringe group and didn’t do much name-calling and beating up, except occasionally of each other. I actually caught a fair amount of crap for being into metal. And I probably shouldn’t complain about punk as much as I do. I listen to a lot of punk-influenced bands. I just hate that attitude that success and integrity are 100% incompatible or that being skilled at an instrument is somehow cheating.

    • Paul Dmytrewycz permalink*
      April 4, 2013 9:17 pm

      This exactly. The whole punk rock ethos is to not give a shit, and that being able to actually play your instrument is not cool. I just can’t get on board with that attitude.

      By extension of that “only sellouts can actually play guitar” attitude, most of the music sucks. Good music is not built on “energy” or “attitude” or “cred” alone. Gotta put SOME fuckin’ effort into it, otherwise why should I give a shit?

  9. Paul Dmytrewycz permalink*
    April 4, 2013 9:19 pm

    It amuses me that of all the semi-controversial things I’ve said in this post, the punk thing has generated the most discussion. I wonder what would have happened if I had admitted I hate Elvis too. Oops… I just did…

    • Sean Gilroy permalink
      April 5, 2013 9:36 am

      You’re not as weird as you think you are. Everybody hates some things that are universally loved and likes some things that are universally reviled. I myself have always hated R.E.M., I am immediately prejudiced against any band described to me as “indie,” I think Jay-Z can’t rap worth a broke dick, I have zero interest in Downton Abbey, and I thought Lost In Translation was a complete waste of time

      • Sean Gilroy permalink
        April 5, 2013 9:37 am

        Aside from that long shot of Scarlett Johannsson’s ass during the opening credits, of course.

  10. Porter permalink
    April 5, 2013 8:16 am

    I would argue that the punk ethos of not being able to play, or talent = sell out is a bit of a red herring, upheld by many (so it can’t be denied), but certainly not the norm. I mean, if you listen to punk from 68/69 through the 2000s, it would be hard to say that the best of the bands have no talent. The myth was started by the whole Sid Vicious thing, and the reality of that is that they turned his instrument down in live shows and brought in the original bassist to record Never Mind the Bollocks. But, it’s also hard to deny that punk in general puts more emphasis on energy than on musicianship, and honestly, I think there’s something to be said for that to a degree. But that line of thinking also leads to a strain within punk that is completely anti-talent, anti-intellectual, anti-art, and that’s where things get problematic for me. All of that said, it’s also hard to equate the skill set of the best punk musicians with the best metal musicians, though I think it’s also a bit like comparing apples and oranges. Depending on your definitions of punk and metal, I find the cross pollination and breakdown of genre barriers by the Bad Brains, Slayers, Misfits/Danzig, Hookers, and others to be some of the more interesting. Have you all checked out the Scooch Pooch label? Again, don’t know if you would consider Turbo Negro or REO Speedealer to be metal or not, but, at least in some of the circles I was in, those bands held as much sway as the more traditional punk bands.

    And also, I totally agree about Elvis — never been able to stomach it.

    • June 18, 2014 10:53 am

      Opinion that 99%+ of punk sucks = holder barely scratched the surface of the genre.

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