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The Entertation Index: April 25

April 25, 2013

Affleck, Ben — Actor and Argo director Ben Affleck has attached himself to the Global Poverty Project’s “Live Below the Line” campaign wherein he will eat for less than $1.50 for five days straight. Affleck’s people commented on his commitment to the cause, reportedly stating that Affleck “wants to show the world how difficult it is to be hungry in the roughly five days before Hollywood producers realize a person is incredibly handsome and yank him off the streets and put him in movies.”

Link: Ben Affleck to Eat on $1.50 a Day (EW)

Bay, Michael — The internet went wild this week after word that action film director Michael Bay “apologized” for 1998’s Armageddon appeared in the Miami Herald. Alas, it was allegedly not true; Bay took to his own site on Tuesday claiming he was misquoted by the Herald reporter and that  “I’m not in the slightest going to apologize for the third movie in my movie career.” He allegedly went on to admit that “I’m only sorry for two things in this world: that I didn’t get to sleep with Megan Fox before she met Brian Austin Green, and that Transformers: Dark of the Moon didn’t have more explosions. Period.”

LInk: Michael Bay Hits Back in Armageddon Apology Flap (Deadline)

Kimmel, Jimmy — For your Thursday fun: Jimmy Kimmel recently aired a production piece on Jimmy Kimmel Live in which he asked Coachella-going hipsters what they thought of bands which didn’t exist, like “The Obesity Epidemic” and “Regis and the Philbins.” Just enjoy.

Link: Lie Witness News – Coachella 2013 (YouTube)

Lewis, Huey — Sentencing is about to begin in the trial of a northern California woman stole Huey Lewis’ rented Toyota Corolla in Feburary as Lewis left it idling. The woman led police on a high speed chase until the Corolla hit 88 miles per hour and disappeared, forcing the woman to harness enough lightning forty years ago to power the Corolla and return to 2013, where police were waiting on her. I’ll admit I went an awfully long way for that joke. Sorry.

Link: Woman Convicted in Huey Lewis Car Theft in California (SF Gate)

Paltrow, Gwyneth — You can stop campaigning now, all other ladies on the planet Earth: The current issue of People magazine bears the headline that actress Gwyneth Paltrow has been named the “World’s Most Beautiful Woman.” Inside the issue, Paltrow tells People that when she first heard the news she “honestly someone was playing a joke on me.” Nope, Gwyneth. No joke. You are beautiful. But the joke is that anyone thinks what’s printed in People actually means anything.

Link: Gwyneth Paltrow Named World’s Most Beautiful Woman (CNN)

Beep boop boop beep boop.

Beep boop boop beep boop. — Black Eyed Peas frontman and notable producer has admitted to borrowing a beat for his new single “Let’s Go” without first receiving permission from producer Arty (you all know Arty, right?). No word yet, however, on whether and the rest of the Black Eyed Peas plan to admit to borrowing the wardrobe from the 2010 film Tron: Legacy for the last three years.

Link: Admits to Borrowing “Let’s Go” Beat Without Permission (Rolling Stone)

Estranged Brew Review: Big Flats 1901 Premium American Lager

April 23, 2013

Quaffable in questionBig Flats 1901

Fine print:

  • Hop House Brews Co., Lacrosse, VT, and Rochester, NY (not-so-secret identity: a Walgreens branded beer brewed by the “good” folks at the Genessee Brewing Company. Yes, that Genessee.)
  • Style: American Pale Lager Beer
  • 12 fl. oz.
  • 4.5% ABV
  • Tag line: “This Lager beer has balanced flavors of hops and malt. A hint of barley lingers on the clean, smooth finish.”

With a name like “Big Flats,” it’s gotta be good. Or…? Shit, it’s like I’m not even trying. Or the brewers/marketers aren’t. Or both. Is the name bestowed with a wink? As in,”I don’t give a big, flat fuck how warm the beers in the cooler are, Ricky With Your Goddamn Pontoon Boat that Your Stepfather Gave You, I swear to Christ I will finish all of them before we hit the No Wake Zone.”

So shall you.

$2.99 per six pack, available at your local Walgreens and other fine…. No, just Walgreens.

Well? And?

“Walgreens’ 50-cent beer“: put-down or come on?

First sniff:

  • Off-notes of sour malt liquor at first, disappears quickly 
  • Slight white wine/grape aroma
  • Finishes pretty cleanly, with surprising little aftertaste

First swaller and subsequent drinking:

  • Despite the tag line, I taste more rice than barley, and I get a trace of hops. Weak trace.
  • Where the tag line gets it right: clean, smooth finish, all the way. It’s like a ghost. Gone.


Keep them super cold and super cheap and I could see myself spending a bright, springtime afternoon on the Big Flats.

What the beer lacks in pronounced flavor, it makes up for in non-offensive drinkability (as opposed to the offensive kind, where the beer is total crap, but you’ll force it down because you didn’t pay) and sheer cheapness. That’s just say it’s not High Life or Hamm’s. Or Genessee.

Drink up.

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The Entertation Index: April 22

April 22, 2013

Bieber, Justin – The Biebs briefly posted a photo of himself with Selena Gomez, indicating they may be on again, after being off again, after being on again.  Come on, Justin, quit acting like some love-besotted high-schoo…oh, right.

Link: Bieber Back with Selena? (TMZ)

Diamond, Neil – In a touching tribute to Boston, Diamond himself sang Fenway’s eighth inning ritual “Sweet Caroline” on Saturday.  Note: this is the only acceptable unironic rendition of “Sweet Caroline.”  Sorority functions and white people’s weddings do not count.

Link: Neil’s Tribute (Spinner)

Kardashian, Kim – KK and disposable hubby Kris Humphries are now divorced, allowing you to breathe a sigh of relief that a union you had completely forgotten and really didn’t care about in the first place has been officially dissolved.

Link: KK and KH Divorced (Detroit Free Press)

Lochte did not have time to elaborate on his views regarding the Fed's monetary policy and a potential return to the gold standard.

Lochte did not have time to elaborate on his views regarding the Fed’s monetary policy and a potential return to the gold standard.

Lochte, Ryan – The Olympic swimmer promoted his E! reality show What Would Ryan Lochte Do by doing, among other appearances, a Good Day Philly morning show interview.  Apparently, Lochte would get stumped by the simplest of questions and reduce the hosts to hysterics.

Link: Lochte’s New Show (Huffington Post)

Mayer, John & Aniston, JenniferPeople Magazine reports that the erstwhile couple almost came into contact with each other when Mayer dined just two tables away from Aniston and fiancé Justin Theroux at West Hollywood’s Sunset Tower.  Reports have it that Mayer saw Aniston, but that the two somehow maintained decorum like mature adults and did not flip over tables and hurl drinks at each other.  Shocking news, to be sure.

Link: Mayer-Aniston Non-Event (People)

Witherspoon, Reese – The accomplished actress and husband Jim Toth were arrested last Friday in Atlanta on suspicion of DUI.  She now regrets her supposed decision to forgo studying in-depth for Legally Blonde and instead “wing it,” saying at the time, “when am I ever going to use that?”

Link: Witherspoon Arrested (E! Online)

The Entertation Index: April 18

April 18, 2013

Deadmau5-proposal-Kat-Von-DD, Kat VonLA Ink star(?) Kat Von D and her fiancé, popular DJ Deadmau5 — who you may remember got engaged over Twitter  — have announced that their August wedding will be based on the H.P. Lovecraft short story The Call of Cthulu and will have an underwater theme including blue and green food and actors dressed as mermaids. So in case you’ve been wondering how ridiculous people get married, well, there you go.

Link: Kat Von D’s Unusual Underwater-Themed Wedding (Yahoo OMG)

Deadmau5See: Kat Von D

Geldof, Peaches — Bob Geldof’s daughter, alleged heroine-addict and model Peaches Geldof, has reportedly left Scientology to join religious sect The Order of the Oriental Templars — an organization founded by occultist Aleister Crowley which heralds rituals based upon sexual exhaustion, masturbation and Egyptian gods. So please remember to update your records at home: there is a more ridiculous religion than Scientology.Link: Peaches Geldof Has Signed up to Aleister Crowley’s Sex Cult OTO (The Guardian)


Hall of Fame, Songwriters — 25 year-old songwriter Benny Blanco, the scribe behind hits like Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok,” Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” and Maroon 5’s “Moves Like Jagger” is slated to receive the prestigious Hal David Starlight Award at the organization’s June gala event. In related news, the Songwriters Hall of Fame has just rocketed into the lead for least credible Hall of Fame in history.

Benny Blanco’s Songwriters Hall of Fame Honor Announced (HuffPo)

Marathon, Boston — We’d be remiss if TBTS didn’t mention our support out to all of those affected by the awful events of Monday’s Boston Marathon, where two bombs detonated near the finish line injuring 176 people and killing three, including an eight year-old boy. It’s sad proof that there is still evil within our borders, but a testament to the many, many brave responders that we still have one another’s back.  Our thoughts are with you, Boston.

Link: Investigation of Boston Marathon Bombings Continues (Boston Globe)

Spielberg, Steven — As the head of the Cannes Film Festival Jury for 2013, sources say director Steven Spielberg’s yacht has left Ft. Lauderdale for France, where it is rumored that Spielberg will privately screen films and run the jury from his private yacht off the coast of Cote d’Azur. The yacht allegedly has luxury accommodations for 12 people and 26 staff members, which means that if the entire jury shows up he’s gonna need a bigger boat. Because…see? See there? You know, Jaws. Never mind.

Link: Steven Spielberg Will Lead Jury from his Yacht (Showbiz 411)

Young, Crosby Stills Nash and — This coming August 27th, folk rockers Crosby, Stills Nash and Young have announced the release of a live album cut from a performance during the band’s 1974 tour. Sources say the ex-bandmates allegedly all thought that the album actually did come out in 1974, but to be honest everyone was a little high back then.

Link: Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young to Release Long-Awaited 1974 Live Album in August (Rolling Stone)


Games You May Have Missed: Limbo

April 17, 2013

With very few exceptions, the big-name games tend to be pretty much the same run/jump/shoot affairs. Sure, a few developers might be doing interesting things with story, or art, or atmosphere. But you really need to look at small, independent developers and publishing houses to find truly risk-taking, genre-bending games.

Danish developer Playdead’s Limbo is such a risk-taker and genre-bender. Released in 2010 as an Xbox Live Arcade title only, it ultimately saw its way to Steam and the Playstation Network. Despite outside insistence that they fundamentally change Limbo to add a multiplayer component or other popular genre content, Playdead reportedly stuck to its guns during development. They preferred to remain true to the game’s core aesthetic and game mechanic. I’m truly glad they did, as I cannot imagine this game with all the trappings of mainstream gaming. Like an indie film, Limbo‘s quirks and sinister sensibility make it all the more memorable. Its deceptively simple gameplay and super macabre, enigmatic story, such as it is, may not lend itself to repeat plays, but it’s definitely a game that sticks with you.

And it’s creepy as hell. Read more…

TBTS Movie Character Hall of Fame: Christine Jesperson

April 16, 2013

Miranda July Me and YouIn the movie Me and You and Everyone We Know, Christine Jesperson is on a quest, whether she would describe it that way or not. She finds and even sometimes creates the beauty that can emerge from mundane, unexpected sources. The sound of TV static becomes ocean waves. A photograph of strangers drives a stirring video narrative. Her shoed feet are the lead characters in a short film about the difficulty of human connection. Hers is certainly a quest for art, but it’s also equally a quest for love, because for Christine the two cannot be separated.

I think Christine Jesperson belongs in the Movie Character Hall of Fame because she is the centerpiece of a film that does not minimize her significance as an artist or a human being. That’s the miracle of Me and You and Everyone We Know (2005). It is a love letter to life, and art, and love itself, and it is quite possibly the most romantic movie I’ve ever seen. And yet it is not a trifle like most romantic comedies that make their characters clownish and their love infantile, nor is it a maudlin exercise in syrupy sentimentality like a Nicholas Sparks romantic drama. Me and You is ambitious, rich, and remarkably respectful of its characters, including its children. Even the characters’ sometimes questionable actions emerge from understandable places within them, and nearly all characters show authentic, believable movement toward becoming larger, more layered versions of themselves by the movie’s end. Read more…

The Entertation Index: April 15

April 15, 2013

Bieber, Justin – 19 year-old Justin Bieber, on the European leg of his current world tour, took some time this past weekend to stop by the home of Anne Frank, where he wrote the following words in the museum’s guest book: “Anne Was a Great Girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” I’m not even going to sully this with a joke. So…yeah. I think we all just learned something here, didn’t we? Let’s move on.

Link: Justin Bieber – “Anne Frank Was a Great Girl” (HuffPo)

"If I can't have the little red haired girl, no one can."

“If I can’t have the little red haired girl, no one can.”

Brown, Charlie — The 56 year-old man who voiced Charlie Brown in numerous early Peanuts animated specials has pleaded guilty to stalking and threatening an ex-girlfriend and her plastic surgeon. If convicted, the man could be sentenced to up to three years in prison and daily five-cent psychiatric advice from Dr. Lucy Van Pelt.

Link: Voice of Charlie Brown Pleads Guilty to Threatening and Stalking in California (Fox)

Kardashians, Keeping up with — A current lawsuit spearheaded by Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband Kris Humphries — who claims to have been “trashed” in the press — may force the reality show starlet to admit under courtroom oath that certain scenes from her reality show are scripted. I’m not sure which is worse news: that the Kardashians have been faking scenes all this time, or that a team of writers can’t come up with a better scene than the intense drama of Kourtney and Kim Kardashian discussing the color of a birthday cake or Bruce Jenner trying to fix a broken lamp.

Link: Kris Humphries’ Lawyers Reportedly Intend to Force Her to Admit She Faked Scenes for “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” (NY Post)

Posters, Movie — From the ever-popular “Big Heads Over Tiny People On a Beach” to the romantic comedy staple “Back to Back, Viewed from the Side,” the website Bored Panda has cleverly amassed thirteen great movie poster cliches. And they’re all pretty much dead on. Enjoy.

Link: 13 Popular Movie Poster Cliches (Bored Panda)

Sabbath, Black — With a new album on the way, rockers Black Sabbath will debut their new single “The End is the Beginning” on the season finale of crime drama CSI: Crime Scene Investigators on May 15. The episode will focus on the forensic investigation into the death of popular demand for Black Sabbath albums in 2013.

Link: Black Sabbath to Perform, Debut New Song on “CSI” Season Finale (Hollywood Reporter)

Winters, Jonathan — A great is gone, people. The Mark Twain Prize-winning Jonathan Winters passed away of natural causes last week at the old age of 87. Although an entire younger generation (perhaps two) may not know Winters’ name, the influence he left on those through the years can’t be denied. Fly away, Mr. Winters; you were too good for this world anyway.

Link: Jonathan Winters in “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World” (YouTube)