Broaching the Delicate Topic of Sofia Vergara’s Oh-So-Indelicate Performances on Modern Family
I’m usually of the mind that an insightful, edifying entry in an Internet comments section is only slightly less rare than a talking squirrel. However, in preparing to address this topic that’s been on my mind for weeks, I found that a few articles had already been written about the subject, and I was heartened to see reader comments such as the ones below.
After this article,
“She is playing the part of the ‘spicy Latina’ for the Anglo masses.”
And after this Daily Beast article from just a couple of days ago,
“She is very funny. And, yes, a little of her goes a long way.”
“Jesh She screams but she is foooony!”
“Yes, I agree she yells too much. I used to love the show, but now, it seems as of late I have to grab the remote and turn the audio down. Way too much screaming for my tastes. They’ve almost lost me for that reason!”
“You people are almost as funny as the show – the ENTIRE show is stereotypical, that’s why people like it…. That’s why it’s funny and that’s why it is a good show. It takes a good writing crew to get away with having an ultra-fem gay couple who adopt a an Asian girl who are for the most part likable idiots and not have the left chasing them in the dead of night with pitchforks and torches.”
In case you haven’t already guessed, the issue that’s been troubling me is that I like Modern Family quite a bit, but pretty much every time Sofia Vergara’s Gloria Pritchett character is on the screen, I want to throw something at my sound system to silence her torturous nails-on-chalkboard screeching. Read more…
Where Have I Been All Your Life?
In the course of writing my analysis of my own listening habits, it tangentially occurred to me that I became a fan of several artists very late into their careers.
Take Elbow, for example. They are currently one of my favorite bands. I’ve seen them live and will sing their praises to anyone who will listen. Their 2010 album, Build a Rocket Boys, is their 4th 5th major release but I only became a fan via their 3rd 4th album, The Seldom Seen Kid. They had 2 3 other albums, both all excellent, that I never gave any credence until recently. It’s not as though Elbow radically changed their style between albums to something that I find more appealing. I like the earlier material, but it sailed perfectly under my radar until I was finally exposed to the band by fellow Tweedster Lloyd.
Another example is Super Furry Animals. (Another reco by my dear friend Lloyd.) The album that finally got my attention, Rings Around the World, was their 5th. They had half a decade of material before that album came out in 2001, including an album entirely in the Welsh language! Granted, I’ve been marginally disappointed by their output of late, but I absolutely love Rings and am always willing to give a new Super Furry Animals release a fair listen.
The Entertation Index: January 26
Nice rack.
Cowell, Simon — The X-Factor and former American Idol judge has broken off his engagement with makeup artist Mezhgan Hussainy, telling the UK’s Daily Mirror that it’s a “complicated relationship” and that Cowell doesn’t know if he’ll ever get married. It makes sense, folks. After all, why would Cowell need a wife when he can spend even more time casually rubbing his own spectacular man-boobs?
Link: Simon Cowell Breaks Off Engagement (Today)
Crew, 2 Live — A resurgence of notoriously filthy hip-hop artists 2 Live Crew is in the works according to Rolling Stone, which reports that the outfit will once again tour this coming summer. When asked about the reasons for the return after such a long absence from the spotlight, frontman Luther Campbell allegedly told reporters “Me so hungry.” (via Lloyd)
Link: 2 Live Crew to Reunite (Rolling Stone)
Cyrus, Miley – List of things which make Disney executives shudder for January 26, 2012: 1.) Miley Cyrus threw her boyfriend Liam Hemsworth a drunken bash at a Los Angeles club, 2.) Miley Cyrus surprised said boyfriend with a birthday cake shaped like a large penis, 3.) Miley Cyrus “pretended to lick” the penis. Well done, Miley. Your move, Selena Gomez — those are some big shoes to fill, and Miley’s setting the bar very high for you.
Link: Miley Cyrus Makes Lewd Tongue Gesture with Penis Birthday Cake (Socialite Life)
Gibson, Mel – After British actor Tom Hardy was tapped to play the beloved Mad Max in an upcoming remake of the 1979 apocalypse actioner, Hardy felt it was only right to get the blessing of former Mad Max — the actor who was launched on the role — Mel Gibson. Gibson told audience members at a recent screening of the original that when Hardy approached him, Gibson told the young actor to “Go ahead, knock yourself out. I’ve got better things to do.” Gibson then explained that those “better things” included scrawling anti-semitic epithets on bathroom walls, degrading Russian models throughout Beverly Hills and quietly crying into a bowl of vegemite as he waits for another script where he gets to play another “angry man who “takes the law in his own hands.”
Link: Mel Gibson on the Legacy of “Mad Max,” Meeting Tom Hardy for “Fury Road” and his Viking Epic “Berserker” (Moveable Feast)
Oscars, The — The hot-button story from Monday’s Academy Award announcements were who was surprisingly. Among the snubbed actors believed to score a nod and didn’t were Patton Oswalt, Charlize Theron, Michael Fassbender, Ryan Gosling and Albert Brooks. Upon hearing the news, Gosling consoled his Drive co-star Brooks by saying “Hey, listen, every cloud has a silver lining – after all, I’m still ridiculously handsome,” before noticing Brooks’ expression and quietly whispering. “Oh, sorry.”
Link: Oscar Nominations 2012: Surprises and Snubs (HuffPo)
Worthington, Sam — The Avatar star and current lead in the upcoming Man on a Ledge told press that the decision to put him high above New York City was one which troubled the acrophobic young heartthrob, saying ”I’m pretty lucky I didn’t burst into tears and roll into a ball” upon first being thrust out on the outskirts of NYC’s Roosevelt Hotel. Clearly the press is missing the bigger story here on Man on a Ledge and Worthington’s decision to take the role. Sam Worthington can’t read!
Link: Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks Hang Above New York City (HuffPo)
TBTS Meme o’ the Week
The Entertation Index: January 23
Seriously, this guy is prompt as hell.
Khalifa, Wiz – The weed-themed rapper arrived on time for his Sundance gig at Bing Bar, while his compatriots showed up later than expected and tried to sneak in while Wiz was on stage. So the one guy who raps mostly about getting roasted is the one guy who shows up on time and does his full set. Huh.
Link: Prompt Khalifa (NY Post)
Klum, Heidi – New rumors suggest that model Heidi Klum wants a divorce from singer Seal due to his hard-partying habit. Yeah, we didn’t know the couple, but they seemed like pretty decent people. Yet, like all these stories, we’ll soon forget about them. In 20 years our memories of the “Klum-Seal split” will sound more like an automotive maintenance problem than a divorce.
Link: Another Divorce (Daily Mail)
Lohan, Lindsay – TMZ caught up with LiLo shopping while wearing a see-through shirt, perhaps showing a little more than she intended. In other words, Lohan was shopping for clothes for her clothes.
Link: Lohan Shops (TMZ)
McConaughey, Matthew – The Dazed and Confused actor is bringing back his laid-back stoner character David Wooderson in a new video from Butch Walker and the Black Widows. In other words, Matthew McConaughey will be playing Matthew McConaughey.
Link: Wooderson Returns (Celebrity Cafe)
Norris, Chuck – If the internet is to be believed, The Expendables 2 has been reworked and re-rated from R to PG-13 due to Norris’s objections to the script’s foul language. Don’t worry, though: according to head honcho Sylvester Stallone, the film “is LARGE in every way and delivers on every level… this Barbeque of Grand scale Ass Bashing will not leave anyone hungry.” You can now rest easy knowing your exploding limbs and bullet-riddled corpses and all of the expected blood-soaked violence will remain unsullied by objectionable language!
Link: Norris Bowlderizes (MTV)
Shatner, William – Shatner’s Priceline.com character will perish in the company’s upcoming ad, dishing out final advice for cost-conscious travelers. It’s a good thing I read this on People.com first, with the headline “William Shatner Is About To Die (in an Ad).” Huffington Post would have simply read “William Shatner Is About To Die!”
Link: Shatner Dying! (People)
I Have Seen the Enemy, and His Name is MC Cashmere Luxury
The other night my girlfriends and I gathered for our weekly Girls Night Out, which turned into a Girls Night In as it was cold and snowy outside. We found ourselves sipping wine and flipping TV channels aimlessly while chatting about our days. We eventually settled on ABC’s Winter Wipeout, and I can say without hesitation that this is the dumbest thing I have ever seen on television.
The premise is simple: a group of adventurous young guys and girls attempt to conquer a giant obstacle course à la American Gladiators, with a few small changes: the obstacles are bigger, wetter, and there are inexplicably lots of bubbles. It’s like they’re trying to recreate an Ibiza foam party or something. The obstacles are, of course, extremely challenging, and no contestant seems to make it through without at least one knock-off into the giant sudsy pool below. Contestants advance through each round until there are just three left standing, who then compete for the $50,000 cash prize.
Now, don’t get me wrong; there are a lot of things I would do for $50,000. But being a contestant on Wipeout isn’t one of them. The reason is simple: to be a contestant, you have to be certifiably insane. Read more…
The Entertation Index: January 19
Adele – It’s not enough that Brit supernova Adele has had the greatest 2011 perhaps of any mainstream artist; a British market research team has determined that she also tops the karaoke charts. Adele’s hit “Someone Like You” has been reportedly chosen by a whopping one in four karaoke singers. No word on how much extra booze is sold during these karaoke performances; after all, nothing says “Let’s party!” like Adele’s “Someone Like You.”
Link: Forget the Charts, Adele Tops Karaoke Too (NY Times)
Lennon, John — The pop culture website Mental Floss has shed new light on the former Beatle’s personality as a cat lover by compiling a list of all the cats known to have been owned by the singer during his lifetime, starting with a kitty named Elvis during his boyhood and ending with the three cats he had when he was killed. Not covered in the piece is the deep resentment he harbored that Yoko Ono was not a cat after her strained singing misled him into falling in love with her.
Link: John Lennon Was a Crazy Cat Lady (Mental Floss)
Seriously, look at those arms. Just look at them.
Madonna — Since winning a Golden Globe Sunday night for her music from the film W.E., pop diva Madonna has found herself involved in three fights: one with Ricky Gervais, firing back at him after his comedic barb at her from the podium, one with Elton John’s partner David Furnish, who took umbrage with her accolade, and one with Lady Gaga, after criticizing the singer’s “Born This Way” as being similar to her own “Express Yourself.” With all these beatdowns, it’s a good thing Madonna’s arms are so — wait, are they muscular? They have a weird shape, maybe some kind of bizarre toning and they’re kind of alien looking. Actually, I’m not sure if they’re strong or not. Never mind.
Link: Madonna Wins Golden Globe for “Masterpiece;” Fights Ricky Gervais, Elton John, David Furnish, Lady Gaga (HuffPo)
Richie, Lionel — Last week we featured an amalgam of President Obama singing “Born This Way,” as mashed together from his speeches, and loved it. This week it would seem that the genre is gaining even more of a foothold, as evidenced by this re-performing of Lionel Richie’s seminal “Hello” as created from film clips over the years. Enjoy.
Link: Lionel Richie’s “Hello,” in Film Clips (HuffPo)
Rowland, Kelly — The former Destiny’s Child ensembler recently praised former bandmate Beyonce’s parental skills, calling her a “natural mother” to baby Blue Ivy Carter, Beyonce’s offspring with superstar Jay-Z. Rowland then put her hand to her mouth and uttered, under her breath, “at least until she decides she doesn’t need the baby any more, and just leaves it high and dry with nowhere else to go but to star in Freddy Vs. Jason.”
Link: Beyonce is a Natural with Baby Blue Ivy Carter, Friends Say (People)
Tequila, Tila — It’s been some time since the very talented miss Tila Tequila graced the pages of the Entertation Index, but this is truly cause for celebration — the internet celebrity has announced that she’s converting to Judaism, telling TMZ that ”I just feel like the Jewish people have such a beautiful way about them, and I can’t wait to officially be Jewish! Shabbat Shalom.” It seemed like a natural fit; after all, she already smells like gefilta fish.
Link: Tila Tequila — I’m Turning Into a Jew!! (TMZ)
In Which I Examine My Listening Habits
Growing up, vinyl records were never a big thing in my house. Most of my early music listening was on cassette. CDs were nothing short of revolutionary. Now in the age of MP3, I seem to have come full-circle in how I listen to music.
When I was a kid we traveled overseas a lot. We had a few of my mom’s old Motown records and some Disney read-along stuff. But records and turntables just can’t take the rigors of that lifestyle I guess. They’re heavy and delicate, and thus impractical.
Most of my listening was passive anyway; I didn’t really “discover” music until my tweens. Got myself a little portable player and some headphones and I was set. Thanks to the limited functionality (three buttons: PLAY, STOP, and FAST-FORWARD, oh yeah…) and a limited supply of AA batteries, I was more or less forced to listen to tapes start-to-finish. There wasn’t much jumping around from song to song. Even if I had favorites it was too much of a hassle to skip directly to them, so I learned to absorb music in whole-album format. It never occurred to me that the artist would have put any thought into song order or “side A” versus “side B.” I simply accepted the order out of expediency and got used to listening to my music that way. INXS’ Kick, Def Leppard’s Hysteria, start-to-finish every time.
In 1988 my parents bought our first CD player. It was actually a six-disc changer with a grossly impractical cartridge/magazine thing about the size of a double-CD case. Despite the cumbersome nature of loading discs (upside-down I might add; don’t ask me how long it took me to figure that out), it felt suddenly very powerful to skip entire songs with the mere press of a button. CDs completely changed my approach. When listening to a new record, my patience and attention-span became short. If I didn’t immediately like a track, I skipped it. My god, such power! Merciless was my index finger! Almost overnight, the albums I acquired became mixed affairs of favorite songs surrounded by nameless filler that I would only bother listening to if I was too lazy to reach the SKIP button.
Oh sure, a few albums merited the approach of old, and I even dallied with the “Random” button on occasion (another heretofore unheard-of and wholly magical feature). But I no longer cared for the artist’s idea of album “flow” or any other such conceits. After getting burned a few times spending my hard-earned, minimum-wage dollars on a whole CD for two maybe three decent songs (yeah, The Breeders, I’m looking at YOU!) I started to get pickier in my buying habits. I actually cared for maybe a third of the material that filled my CD rack. Mix-tapes featured the best material and the CDs themselves rarely saw any action.
At first, the advent of MP3 set me further down this cynical, obtuse spiral. I would borrow friends’ CDs and rip only the songs I liked and damn the rest! When I was short on cash, I just ripped the favorite tracks to MP3 off a few CDs and sold the discs down at the local used-CD shop. There were still artists (Tool, Radiohead, etc.) to whom I would give the benefit of the doubt, but I’d say fully half of all my music consumption consisted of singles and novelty tracks. Interestingly, this opened me up to artists and genres I had ignored for decades. It suddenly became possible (and acceptable) to listen to songs by ubiquitous pop artists without having to bear the shame of actually owning their CD.
These days, Amazon and eMusic are great resources for good old-fashioned MP3s in all their lossy yet DRM-free glory. Those sellers and Apple’s iTunes store make individual songs available for pennies. Top-40 singles sell bazillions of copies, but whole albums are purchased less often. (Do the Black Eyed Peas even release albums anymore? I honestly have no idea.) Magazine after pundit after blogger have asked the quasi-rhetorical (and in my opinion obnoxious) question “is the album dead?” Of course the answer is “No, stupid.” But it is easier than ever to live the music life I lived for most of the late-90s and early-2000s, consuming music piecemeal with blithe disregard for the artist’s efforts at albumcraft.
And yet…
I choose to listen to whole albums again more often. I am unable to pick a favorite song from Deftones’ 2010 masterpiece Diamond Eyes, or Gojira’s The Way of All Flesh, or The Sword’s Warp Riders. I listen to all three parts of Robyn‘s Body Talk without skipping a single track. Every Vandaveer record … Memory Tapes … Elbow … The Black Keys … The Bird and the Bee. More often than not, I start these albums at the beginning and just let them play. I’ve moved from a passive, utilitarian listening experience, through a vicious tornado of fastidiousness, and on to a Zen-like acceptance.
What’s changed? Has good music gotten better? Are albums just all-killer-no-filler these days?
Or is it me? Perhaps I’m reacting to the capricious nature of youth and … well, smelling the goddamn proverbial roses. Is this what they call “personal growth?” (And not the kind that you need to get looked at by a doctor?) Maybe, in my old age, I’m more inclined to give an artist a fair shake, to take what they give me, to accept and consume it as a whole, and I’m simply being rewarded with better quality entertainment for my earholes.
Of course, it’s also entirely possible that I’m simply too lazy to reach for the SKIP button.
The Entertation Index: January 16
Apatow, Judd – The Bridesmaids producer accepted the Critics’ Choice Award for best comedy last Thursday, and took the occasion to address legendary comedian Jerry Lewis’s infamous sexist comments: “Jerry Lewis once said that he didn’t think women were funny, so I’d just like to say, with all respect, ‘(Expletive) you!’” Some were surprised to find out Lewis had made the comments, but far more were shocked to discover that Lewis is still alive.
Link: Apatow Speaks (Mercury News)
And yet, somehow, these nominees shit themselves less than Charlie Sheen does.
Awards, Golden Collar – Dog News Daily (yes, there is such a thing) is holding the Golden Collar Awards (yes, there is such a thing) to award five Golden Collars: Best Dog in A Theatrical Film, Best Dog in A Foreign Film, Best Dog in A Direct-to-DVD Film, Best Dog in a Reality Television Series, and Best Dog in a Television Series. The ceremony will be hosted by canine actor Uggie and human actress Penelope Ann Miller. There are so many jokes here that I don’t know where to start, but it seems that the biggest joke is on Penelope Ann Miller.
Link: Actress To Host Dog Award Show (Dog News Daily)
Globes, Golden – Organizers for the TV and film awards show are worried about how they’ll seat all those who say they’re attending, since so many nominees were large ensembles (Boardwalk Empire, Modern Family, etc.). To thin the crowd, planners are considering telling attendees that James Franco will be hosting.
Link: Globe Seating in Short Supply (NY Mag)
Kardashian, Kim – A group called the Courage Campaign indicates that reality TV person Kardashian “earned” over $12 million in 2010, but was taxed at a rate just 1% higher than a middle-class Californian. It is only fair that she pay more in taxes, given how taxing her presence has been for the rest of America.
Link: KiKi’s Taxes (Time)
William, Prince – The Duke of Cambridge has reportedly given his wife, Kate Middleton, a black Labrador puppy for her 30th birthday. It is rumored that Middleton is considering a pair of sweater puppies as a return gift.
Link: Royal Gifts (Mirror)
Work It – ABC canceled its widely panned cross-dressing situation “comedy” Work It after just two episodes. Before you celebrate, please realize that Two and a Half Men is still on.
Link: Crappy Show Canceled (USA Today)
Checking in on NBC’s New Thursday Night Lineup
NBC’s critically vaunted (but, sadly, lowly rated) Thursday night lineup returned with new episodes two nights ago. We here at TBTS have gone on record—multiple times—declaring our love, fascination, and even disappointment with the comedies that populate the Thursday slate. So let’s do a mid-season check-in with the latest incarnation of NBC Thursday:
30 Rock at 8:00 p.m. — A welcome return for the cleverly written award winner. The newsworthy twist is the veiled introduction of a new love interest for Liz Lemon, which could be promising. But overall I found this episode to be a mostly low-key affair, with Jack Donaghy showing a growing paternal softness, Tracy Jordan still flailing (they don’t seem to know what to do with him these days), and the secondary characters still playing their one notes for all they’re worth. The “Kenneth waiting for the rapture” jokes fell a bit flat. Still, when this show finds jokes that hit, they hit hard. America’s Kidz Got Singing was a sharp and hilarious send-up of, you know, everything that’s wrong with TV these days. And only 30 Rock could lampoon the WNBA, by characterizing their halftime entertainment as a ragtag dance team of retirees and middle-agers of questionable physical fitness, and find the right sweet spot between good-natured and mean-spirited parody. Read more…
